Thursday, February 14, 2008

A thought on Valentine's Day

My colleagues were teasing me yesterday because they found out that I was married on Valentine’s Day. Make that, married 10 years (Holy crap) today. I don’t exactly come across as a sentimental person at work so I took quite the ribbing.

“How sweet, I never knew all this time you were such a softie!” Ugh.
“So I guess you have big plans for the day?” They wondered.
“I don’t know, I guess I will shave my legs for something a little different.” Came my reply.

While it amazes me that ten years have past, it does not surprise me that we are still together. We have had our moments to be sure, but somehow I have always known we would make it. I don’t know how I know that is so, I just do. He has got my back, and I have his.

Among other parts.

But I digress.

I get annoyed when I hear people talking negatively about marriage; referring to the wife as the old ball and chain or to the husband a useless tit. But what really makes me mad is the term “Starter Marriage” Oh man does that ever boil my boot! It completely negates the importance of a marriage- it becomes just something you do, property you acquire, something you can upgrade or trade in for a newer model.

It makes me mad, yes, but under that is a little sadness.

This is a crazy world, and in many ways an unfriendly one. I think it is important that the person you choose to share your life with is someone who will worry about you when you are driving on a wintry highway slick with ice; someone who understands you in a way that is intuitive and clear; someone who will tell you when you are being an ass; someone who will hold the bucket for you when you are sick (see, I told ya I am not all warm and fuzzy!). If you don’t have that in your marriage I feel for you.

Think back: what made you fall in love with your significant other? What was it about them that set them apart from all the rest? Has that really changed? People make mistakes, sometimes big ones, sometimes it is the same one over and over again, but I think you can work through it- and come out stronger for each other. It is a commitment, it is work, and it is not easy.

But it is worth it.

Happy Anniversary Buddy; thank-you for holding the bucket for me.


Anonymous said...

As I already let Deannie know, starter marriages are an idea that I had never heard of, but the thought of it is sickening.

Nuclear Mom said...

I love this post and so agree with you. Sometimes I hear people talk and can't imagine that they are talking about the person that is supposed to be their number one, their soul mate, the person they love the most. It makes me sad.

And it also makes me feel very lucky and proud of what I have with my husband.

Steve said...

My wife and I got engaged 10 years ago tomorrow. I popped the question at about 1:30 am. I purposely waited until AFTER midnight so as not to coincide with Valentine's Day. I didn't want anyone, including me or my darling, to think that the sentiment of the holiday inspired my proposal.

This July, we'll be married 10 years as well. Nadine, I have to say, I agree with you. But as important as it is to remember who the other person was when you fell in love, you should remind yourself who YOU were. Sometimes we get lost in our lives and forget what it was we were looking for when we found our mates. These gentle reminders get us through the morning hair, sick children, money problems, hangovers and hangnails.

Incidentally, I've held the bucket, but have never had one held for me. Wifey swears that if she held a bucket for me, we'd BOTH end up using it.

Happy Valentine's!

Jo said...

Awwww! I never figured you for a mushy person Nadine! lol.
Great post and so true. While he hasnt held the bucket for me, he has held my hair back while I was holding the toilet. He even gives me cute little nicknames still...just last week it was frankenwife. =o)

Jay said...

I hear you my friend.! What does it say about the people them selves who call the person they have committed their life to by these titles - even in a joking manner?
You are fortunate , as am I, to have found someone as fine as your Sweetie,and to know that with humor,understanding, repect and hard work it will work.

Sparky hasn't 'held the bucket'but he has washed the nightie when I missed the bucket- I am certain that qualifies as true love as well!

Congratulations on 10 years.

nadinebc said...

Thanks everyone!!