Monday, April 21, 2008

Men, how exactly does this do it for you?

I am the kind of person who doesn't care much what curdles your cream- whatever makes you go to your happy place. As long as I don't have to see you do it, as long as no innocent bystanders get hurt: I say fill your boots.

But I have on occasion wondered, how exactly does that work? I watched a documentary while in university about sadomasochistic practices ( it was for Psychology 3050, honest) and I remember watching this one guy, dressed in a diaper and a baby bonnet, being yanked from room to room in a brothel by a chain wrapped around his neck. Occasionally the Mistress used a riding crop to swat his diapered ass and further direct his movements. Now, I thought that was odd. And again, I wondered how it all worked sexually. I never did figure it out.

So today when I heard about Richard Quest I found myself returning to that question. The CNN broadcaster was busted in the wee hours in Central Park yesterday with a rope tied around his neck and genitals. Richard and his friend were approached by Police because they were in the Park after hours. When the police questioned Richard he blurted out helpfully: "I've got some meth in my pocket,". No shit. The resulting search also revealed a sex toy in his boot. Can you say career over?

I am no prude. I think a healthy sex life is good for you. Have at it. Honestly. But this does not strike me as sex really. I don't know what this is.

I can see how porn might turn your crank, I can see how maybe a little role playing might be fun. Sex Toys? Hey, whatever floats your boat. I can even see how some people like to have sex in public places, I don't recommend it, but I can see how people might find it exciting.

But I just don't see what a rope around your neck, and scrotum does for a person. Gentlemen? Care to explain?

Friday, April 18, 2008


It is Friday, and for those of you who are lucky, you will welcome the weekend with friends, family and a drink of your choice. It has been one long week for me, and I do think I will have a drink this evening. Screw the diet. Screw the brain cells.

For those of you who need a little convincing I present this little gem:

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

He has my sense of humour

This is currently my 19 month old's favourite video. Damn, there is nothing like the Muppets.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Spring has sprung...

Those of you who have pets may be noticing the little guys want to get out more now, and some of the young ones seem rather adamant about it. You may have friction burns on your leg to show for it. It is springtime; the season of love. As the great Robin Williams once said: "Spring is nature's way of saying, 'Let's party!' Even flowers are crying out "Oh baby give me your hairy stamen now!"

Ahh but there is a price to be paid for all this fun and frivolity. For those of you who have not spayed or neutered your pets, it could mean little additions to your family in a few short months. So if you don't think you can find a home for all the cute little furballs, it might be best to bring them to the vet. And soon.

Remember it is not just your leg Fido is humping.

If you don't believe me; just get a load of what your cat is doing:

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Air Canada reaches new lows

Awhile back I posted about Air Canada's less than stellar service, but a story carried by CBC today just blew all that ranting away.

It appears our national airline had to make a decision between leaving a few pieces of luggage behind, and irritating a few passengers, or leaving a casket behind and devastating an entire family. Air Canada's choice? According to the CBC: " Body bumped from flight to make way for luggage: family"

I will just let that sink in a bit.

Kinda leaves you speechless doesn't it?

Dennis Hamilton died suddenly last week while working in Alberta, and while the news of his death hit the family hard, the phone call telling them his body was bumped in Montreal must have been harder. This profound display of insensitivity was not just an insult to the family, it delayed both the viewing at the funeral home and the funeral service itself.

Of course, Air Canada has no comment. Why would they? They have never taken responsibility for anything before, why start now? And when I think about their announcement last week of their plans to add a fee for customer service, I begin to really understand the term "going postal".

My condolences to the Springdale family, you did nothing to deserve this, and I am so sorry this experience added to your grief.

Monday, April 7, 2008

Eat this Charlie

Today Premier Danny Williams denied suggestions that his government knew about flawed breast cancer test results for about 18 months before the public became aware of problems at a St. John's lab.

"I can tell the people of this province that [neither I nor anyone] in my government under any circumstances would attempt to conceal or prevent the disclosure of information that would affect the health of people in this province," Williams said.

Even though exhibits tabled at the Inquiry showed that the premier's chief of staff and communications director were informed in July 2005.

Makes me sick.

I have two things to say to you Danny boy, two very simple things. If you have to skip a photo op or two to digest this information, so be it:

1) I don't believe you were not informed.
(And even if I were dim enough to accept your denials)
2)It is your job to know.

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

April Fools

I used to be known as a bit of a prankster, I have settled somewhat in recent years, but I had a good run there for awhile. I think the best prank I ever pulled was on a coworker of mine when I worked as a D.B.A. He sat in the cubical next to mine, and we had a pretty odd relationship- we got on well, but we tortured the hell out of each other on a daily basis. It was my goal to prove him wrong on occasion, and it was his goal to see if he could do something to “Break Nadine”- meaning to get me laughing to a point where I couldn’t stop- couldn’t breathe for that matter. Our office wasn’t that large, so when it happened people knew Nadine was broken.

He didn’t have to pull out all the stops either; sometimes it was the sheer incongruity of his statements combined with his impeccable timing. I remember once I was freaking out over a piece of code, trying to get something to run the way I wanted to, and failing each time. Of course Karl could hear me threatening my computer, and cursing the data I was working with. It was probably my lowest point of the day when he popped his head over the divider and asked:

“Historically, which came first, Snoopy as the Red Baron, or the Steve Miller Band?”

It took me a second to actually rip my eyes away from my computer and focus on the nutbar next to me. “What?”

Historically, which came first, Snoopy as the Red Baron, or the Steve Miller Band?”

“I think it was Snoopy as the Red Baron” I replied, still somewhat confused, and having trouble focusing.

Silence from my colleague. He liked to float the punch lines out slowly, like a balloon rising from the loose grip of a child who is helpless to stop its ascent. And then:

“So you could fly like a Beagle before you could fly like an Eagle?”

And I was toast. All the stress of the day and the complete randomness of his joke just cracked me. It was a while before I caught my breath.

Now there are only so many times a girl can be broken before she starts to plot her revenge. My opportunity came one spring when Karl and his wife took a holiday. I had a plan to do a little redecorating in his cubical. I got permission from the VP and the night before Karl returned, I made my move.

It took 15 boxes of cellophane to complete- but when it was it was done it was a masterpiece.

I started with his pens, pencils, staples, his favorite coffee mug (the one no one else was allowed to use) with coffee still in it, and his little troll dolls on the top of his computer monitor. I wrapped them all, ever so lovingly in cellophane. Then I wrapped his computer, his keyboard, his chair. Nothing on his desk was left unwrapped. Then I wrapped his desk shut, and his cupboard doors and his file cabinet. And then I just wrapped his entire cubical. From top to bottom. It looked like an ice cube in the middle of the office.

When he returned, he was in complete shock at the state of his cubical. He stood there for a few seconds, looked at it, and left.

Then I was in shock.

Where the hell did he go?

It turns out the bugger went home, to get a video camera so he could record it. He had to cut his way into his cubical, and actually seemed to like it in there, all wrapped up in his little plastic product cocoon. The only sound of displeasure that came from him was when he saw his coffee mug wrapped up.

That was my last big prank- I haven’t done anything like that in awhile. Did anyone play any pranks on you today? What is the best prank you have ever seen? Or pulled yourself?