I wish it was Christmas today...

This update on their old tune almost perfectly sums up how I feel about today- two days left until Christmas break, and stuck in Ontario.

Messiah at the Mall

You probably have heard of Flash Mobs even if you haven’t been present for one. A Flash Mob is a group of people who assemble suddenly in a public place to perform an unusual act like a dance, or a pillow fight, for a brief time; and then disperse as quickly as they appeared. Most times Flash Mobs are heavily reliant on social media and are often organized via cell phones, Twitter, Facebook and the like.

This past weekend, shoppers at the Avalon Mall in St John’s were pleasantly surprised by a Flash Mob. Members of the Philharmonic Choir of the Newfoundland Symphony Orchestra treated shoppers with a sudden performance of the famous oratorio from Handel's "Messiah." The video below was provided by Nine Island Productions. Thanks to my cousin Emily for the link.

The Muppets

For a large chunk of my childhood I had a secret wish: I wanted to be a Muppeteer. It's not something I shared with many people because I knew almost everyone would think I was strange but I truly loved the little world and the quirky cast of characters that Jim Henson created. As a very young child I knew it wasn't real, but I loved The Muppet Show all the same.

We introduced Wilson to the Muppets when he was about two years old. Many of the popular song segments and special guest appearances are on You Tube. Wilson loves everything we show him - the music, the slap stick, the exploding Muppets, and the Swedish Chef. I am really looking forward to seeing the Muppet Movie with him over Christmas holidays.

So earlier this week when I heard about the frenzied tirade Fox News anchor Eric Bolling spewed about the latest Muppet Movie, I was instantly angered and offended. The moron suggested that the movie was aimed at planting the seeds of "class warfare to brainwash our kids". He took issue that the villain in the film a character named Tex Richman, a greedy oil executive who wants to drill under the Muppet's theatre.

Bolling's Fox News colleague Andrea Tantaros added to the flummery: "I just wish liberals could leave little kids alone." To which Bolling wondered aloud why the Muppets couldn't, for once, "have the evil person be the Obama administration" and then "Where are we? Communist China?"

I was going to put the link to a clip of the show here, but decided against it. Fox News doesn't need anyone else pushing up their viewership- even if it is only to see the new definition of stupid in action.

The Muppets are communists? Really?

I have never been a fan of Fox News. I reject their obdurate pursuit to redefine reality where all those who do not spew the same vitriol as themselves are somehow part of a large leftwing propaganda machine.

Just as I was starting to really work myself into a lather about it all- I remembered: It is Fox News.

Who gives a shit?

Merry Christmas Everyone.

It is difficult being so far away from family on the Rock- especially this time of year. Newfoundland is always beautiful, but never more so than at Christmas. On Christmas she shines with the love of families, tradition and the bright white of blazing stars against the blackest of nights. If you can't be with your family this Christmas I hope you are with people you love.

I am.

Booze helps.

Merry Christmas.

Nativity Story goes Digital

The Nativity story for the digital age:

Magic Santa

So here we are, it is December once again. I had a small panic attack yesterday when I realized that it was December 1^st. I am nowhere near ready.

However, I am determined not to let the commercial side of Christmas weigh on me this year. I am not going to give into neighborhood pressure to dress the house up like a Griswold family Christmas card or suffer the crushing throngs of mad shoppers nattering over goods at the mall. I really want to focus on time with my husband and son this year. I would rather do more than buy more. It is not really about what is under the tree for me- it never was.

Although, I am sure I will be buying too.

My first Christmassy act of the season was done today. My sister sent me this link where you can create an online personalized message from Santa to your children. I tried it out with a junk mail account and it worked really well. I am looking forward to opening Santa’s email to Wilson with him later tonight- I can just imagine his little face now.

If this sounds like something your children would enjoy, check it out:

Magic Santa

Christmas is in its box

Well it is all over for another year. Christmas is back in its box slumbering until next year. The halls have been undecked, all the trim is put away, and the tree has been tossed to the curb. The only things I have left of the Christmas accoutrement are the two flaccid Poinsettias dying in my living room. It is kind of depressing.

Don and I have only purchased a real tree for Christmas the past two years. The first two years we lived here we lived in a junior one bedroom at the corner of Bloor and Jarvis. There was barely enough room in that apartment for a couch and a bed, so we could hardly get a tree. Real or not. We had a Christmas plant though. I think it was a rubber tree; we decorated it with a bit of garland. Come to think of it, that was sort of depressing too.

For our Christmases in Whitby we bought a small fake tree decorated it with Star Wars ornaments and snowflakes. We tried to keep the cat away from it. However, we woke up one morning to find the Wicket perched in the tree with Yoda in his mouth. He growled at us when we tried to take the ornament away from him and clung to the branches when we tried to wrench him from the tree. This became a tradition every year actually. Wicket would scale the tree and claim a new ornament as his own. After 6 years of an 11 pound cat scaling the PVC tree it no longer had the classic Christmas tree shape. It was still somewhat triangular but the center section had a gaping hole in it that bowed quite a bit. When we moved to the new house the fake tree did not come with us.

For our first Christmas in the new house we decided that a real tree was in order. We made a day of it, Don, Wilson, my sister and I went to a tree farm to cut our own tree and discovered it was a fun way to spend an afternoon. Don was too sick to do the cut-your-own this time around so we went to Sheridan Nurseries instead. They stored the trees in an outdoor greenhouse but they did something I had never seen before- and when I compare it to the lively experience at the tree farm, this was downright creepy.

All the trees were hanging. Hanging from a rope wrapped around the greenhouse rafters.

It was like stepping into a forest of suicides.

All of them hanging there, swaying in the soft breeze, oozing sap and dropping needles. I wanted to take them all home; save them from this dismal end. Alas, we left with one Fir tree, the one that looked like he had the most to live for. We brought him home, shoved a tree stand up his ass, rammed a snowflake on his head and light him up with LED lights. He was beautiful! He had a good life as a Christmas tree.

And now he is on the curb, pondering the end that awaits us all – the chipper.



P.S. Anyone have any advice on how to keep a Poinsettia alive?

Welcome 2010

Where is my flying car?

I always thought as a kid that when 2010 arrived we were going to be zipping around the planet on our own personal flying cars, eating replicated food, and taking off to the moon for the long holiday weekend.

While we aren’t quite there yet, our home had its most technically advanced Christmas yet. Don gave me the new Iphone, which I have named Noodle for some reason. I gave Don a Blue Ray player, which he refuses to name, and we upgraded our satellite to HD TV. His mom gave him a GPS for the car and my parents sent us a new gynormous LCD television as our old CRT finally gave up the ghost. If I was looking for the 2010 space monolith this year, I certainly found it- it is sitting in my living room with a Blue ray and an Xbox 360 attached to it. It is huge! I think Don is in love.

Wil didn’t get any new technology really, and that is fine with me. He was so happy with the gifts he received, but certainly caught on to the fact that the bigger gifts have toys in them. Anything in small package was pushed aside in favor of the big boxes, even if they weren’t his. He had to help you unwrap the “big one”. It is funny watching him open gifts. If he likes what he opens he wants to play with it right away. He would jump up and down saying “Open it Da da!” All his other gifts could wait as far as he was concerned; he wants to play with the new toy now!

Watching him Christmas morning makes Christmas away from family and friends back home on the Rock almost bearable. He was so happy to have the both of us home with him, to play with his new toys, and to have his cousins visit. It was good to have some time off- we needed it.

I am hoping the New Year finds you all happy and well and most importantly that Santa was good to you!

Christmas Carols for the Psychologically Challenged

1) Agoraphobia – I heard the bells on Christmas day, but wouldn’t
leave my house.

2) Amnesia – I don’t know if I’ll be home for Christmas

3) Attention Deficit disorder – Silent Night, Holy..oooh, look at the pretty lights…can I have some chocolate? Why is France so far away?

4) Borderline Personality Disorder – Thoughts of roasting on an open fire

5) Dementia – I think I’ll be home for Christmas

6) Manic – deck the halls and walls and house and lawn and streets and stores and office and town and car and buses and trucks and trees and fire hydrants and…

7) Schizophrenia – Do you hear what I hear?

8) Multiple Personality disorder – We three kings disoriented are.

9) Narcissistic – hark the herald angels sing about me

10) Obsessive Compulsive Disorder – Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle…

11) Oppositional Defiant Disorder – I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus so I burned down the House

12) Paranoid – Santa Claus is Coming to Town to get me

13) Personality Disorder – You better watch out, I’m gonna cry, I’m gonna pout, maybe I’ll tell you why

14) Senile dementia – walking in a winter wonderland miles from my house in slippers and a robe

15) Social Anxiety Disorder – Have yourself a merry little Christmas while I sit here and hyperventilate

The sounds of Christmas

There are a lot of Christmas songs which have been done and redone by various artists over the years. Some renditions are a lot of fun, some are very powerful, others are just plain unbearable.

In the very powerful category we have Mahalia Jackson singing, well, anything. Her version of Oh Holy Night brings tears to my eyes. It is a song I will forever associate with my Dad- he plays it over and over every Christmas, and he loves her version the best.

I found a copy of it on Youtube, but the video isn't the best, but the song is worth it.

All things Christmas

Holy crap it is December! Although you would never know it from the weather. We haven't seen a flake yet and that is fine with me for now. Not only because it means I don't have to shovel it but because with Don driving to work and back on the 401 each day, it is one less thing I have to worry about. I will be a little sad though if we don't have a little of the white stuff for Christmas.

Christmas. GAWD! I am so far from being ready. This year it seems everyone around me is super early this year, they are already done, and I have yet to buy wrapping paper. All these early finishers seem so bloody intent on letting everyone know they are all done. In the clear. Sitting back with a pitying eye for those of us who are lagging. Yesterday I wished them all crotch lice for Christmas. Not exactly a festive message I know. But the pressure is getting to me.

I have been busy with work, a little personal crisis here at home (our daycare provider had a family crisis and suddenly could no longer watch Wilson so we were scrambling for a few days); throw a broken foot in the mix and you have a few of the reasons why I am so behind. More importantly though, I haven't really been in the mood. It might be the lack of snow. It might be because I am homesick. Or maybe I am just tired. I do know I need to get it in gear though. I have a little guy who deserves a little Christmas magic.

Anyway, I figure the only way I am going to get through the season is do do things in baby steps, and I need to get into the spirit of things. So this morning I brought in some pottery as a present to the family our class adopted for Christmas - I am taking care of the gifts for the mom and my students are providing the gifts for the kids. That felt pretty good.

I think tonight I might try a little Christmas baking- that might be something I can do with the little guy and it will make us both happy. The Toronto Star has a little Cookie Advent Calender. Every day you can open a recipe for cookie you may want to make for the holidays. Check it out, you might discover a new family favourite.

Free Falling

I am a little bit of a klutz. I don’t really require anything to trip up in; I have been known to fall over nothing, heck, I have even fallen up the stairs (on more than one occasion). Some people can sing, others can dance or swallow light bulbs; this is my talent.

I remember one Christmas going out to Sears with my mom to help load up the car with some of her catalogue purchases, the most important one was my brother’s Christmas gift, a DVD player. It wasn’t that she bought a lot, but she had some bigger boxes coming and needed the extra pair of hands, plus we had to get groceries on the way back.

We loaded the van without incident or injury and arrived back at the house safely, even though a pretty good winter’s storm had picked up while we were shopping. Unloading the van in the white of a storm was a bit messy and you would think that if a person was going to fall this would be the time they would do it- but not me.

We were almost finished when my brother came home. He helped us bring in the last of the groceries in the back of the van, but thankfully did not see the boxes in the front. Mom, worried he might see his gift, told him to go inside and start putting the groceries away. There was a problem with that plan though, part of the kitchen is open to the foyer, and if Cas was in the wrong spot at the wrong time he would see his Christmas gift. As far as my mom was concerned that would completely ruin Christmas.

So mom handed me the DVD player and she grabbed the rest of the stuff. She ordered me to hang back a bit until she gave the signal for me to move out. On my tip toes behind her, bundled in a large marshmallow like winter jacket with my hood pulled down tight; I waited stealthily at the end of the walkway in the blowing snow with the player in my arms. She was inside now, I could hear her talking. Then her hand jutted out the front door, one quick ‘come in’ gesture. I was ready.

I made it across the icy walkway and up the steps and to the threshold, and then I was airborne.

You know the old Road Runner and Wile E. Coyote cartoons where the poor Coyote always ends up getting the utter and complete crap kicked out of him? Where at least once, every show, he ends up falling from some great height and landing with a puff of smoke and an ACME anvil on top of his head? At the beginning of every fall though, he has that moment where he pauses mid air and looks at the camera as if to say: “I am so screwed” and then plummets to the bottom of the canyon. Got that visual?

I am not sure exactly how I achieved the height I did, or why I was perfectly horizontal when I got there, but I do know there was a fraction of a second where I paused mid flight and looked at mom with that “I am so screwed” look on my face and then I landed in the middle of the foyer with a groan and a thud.

There I was, flat on my face and splayed out on the ceramic tile. However, my arms were miraculously straight up over my head with the DVD player held in them still. Somehow I had not dropped it, landed on it, or let it hit the ground.

I believe my first words were: “Did I break it?”

Mom did a quick check to see if I was ok and then wrenched the player from my outstretched hands leapt over my prostrate figure and vaulted over the stairs with the gift before Cas could come out to see what was wrong. She is pretty nimble.

When she came back down she helped me up, and then started laughing. It was quite the fall to witness but once she knew I was ok, and that the gift was safely stashed away, she was free to laugh. She had a hard time stopping.

Most of my falls have this effect on other people. There is a story Don tells about one of my more memorable flights into painland that makes people cry laughing- especially when he does a step by step re-enactment.

The reason I bring this up is because I had actually been doing ok for awhile I hadn't had any major story worthy falls in quite sometime. It was enough of a break in routine that Don actually commented on the fact I had been fall free for months.

I think that is what did it actually. The cruel bastard jinxed me.

Considering the number and severity of falls I have had over the years it was a lucky and remarkable thing that I never broke anything. Well that situation has been remedied my friends.

Two Saturdays ago I had a fall and fractured my foot. I am currently in an annoying aircast. I wish I could tell you how exactly I fell this time but the truth is I have no idea how it happened. I was walking back to the car and all of a sudden the pavement was rushing toward me at an alarming rate and then I saw sky.

In the process I rolled an ankle fracturing my right foot, and landed on my left knee followed closely my left arm and then the back of my head. The story of my experience at the clinic will have to be for another day because that one is a long one. And right now, I haven’t got time for the pain.

Christmas on Thanksgiving

As many of you know, I live far away from my family. We are all spread out, with the bulk of the clan living in different parts of Newfoundland, and everyone else is spread out all over Canada. The only relatives I have here in Ontario are my Uncle Brendan and his family in Oshawa, and my sister Serena in Kingston. It makes holiday times kind of lonely. While all family gatherings that I miss are difficult, missing Christmas in Newfoundland damn near kills me. I spend much of the holiday in a bit of a funk, prone to spontaneous bouts of weeping. Even Christmas commercials get to me.

You may be wondering why I am talking about Christmas so early this year, and the answer is that I had my Christmas this past Thanksgiving weekend. The plan was that my parents were going to fly up and my sister was going to drive in from Kingston to spend the long holiday weekend together. I was really looking forward to the holiday- even if only half my family could come.

However, my mom is a bit of a sleeveen. Unbeknownst to me, she had arranged for the entire family to be together. Mom, Dad and my brother Cas all flew in to Toronto together, and my little sister Cassandra flew in the next day. It was the first time we were all together in 3 years. It was wonderful.

We spent the time playing cards, spoiling my son Wilson (he is the only grandchild), laughing and teasing each other, and eating. We were all together, enjoying each other, we were busy making memories; in short, it was Christmas for me. Who knows, maybe, with a little luck, we can make this a new tradition for the family.

Thanks Mom, Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas Everyone!

I hope Santa is good to you all, and that you are safe, healthy and with the people you love. Here is a little Christmas animation I created as my gift to you all- don't say I never gave ya nothin!




Actually I created it a few years back as a animated gif tutorial for my students, but hey, you have regifted before too! Come on, fess up. I know you have.

Ahhh, another SNL Christmas classic

A few years old now- but still makes me laugh.

Now That's a Gingerbread House

Barry over at Rock Recipes has done it again! He has created one of the most stunning pieces of edible art I have ever seen. This year Barry features a house on Gower Street, in St John's to act as the muse for his latest Gingerbread creation. The result makes me homesick, and a little hungry! When I think of St. John's I think of these types of homes, with their brightly coloured exteriors and large windows. The colourful splash of these townhouses, or the large heritage homes, have become an iconic image for the city.

For those of you who are lucky enough to live and work in the city, Barry is allowing this yummy concoction to be raffled for a fundraiser to benefit Bishop Field School in downtown St. John's. Tickets are $2 each or 3 for $5 and will be available from the school or on Sunday evenings at the Avalon Mall flea market.